I’m not the Grammar Gestapo, but there are a few phrases that are commonly used today that annoy me to no end.

They include:

• “Irregardless”… it is NOT an informal word. It is a nonsensical word!
• “I could care less”… really, you COULDN’T. Trust me.
• “Between you and I” … no, no, NO!!!
• “Your welcome” … MY welcome!? MY welcome?!!!!
• “OMG”

A lady I know borrowed her husband’s cell phone to send a text message. She asked an officer at an educational institute about certain classes. Some time later, her husband handed her the phone. Looking perplexed, he shook his head and said, “Is this the message you were expecting? I have no idea what this person is trying to say.”

The exchange was as follows:

“As salaamu `alaykum! This is *lady’s name* – I’m using my husband’s phone as I’ve lost my SIM. We’ve just returned from our vacation. I’d appreciate it if you could let me know when we can resume classes. I hope that you are fine!”

“ws. im f9 gr8 v cn strt cls iA on thu.” *

Textese… the scourge of humanity.

Where did you get the idea that “stay-at-home mother” and “homeschooled children” = nothing to do and no one to meet?

Seriously, you folks need to have some respect for our time – we should not have to bend over backwards for YOU just because you THINK your life is more valid.

I’ve just had to disappoint my friends and their children because you did not see fit to answer my queries in a timely manner. For the love of God, grow up and get some manners.

… is that sinking feeling you get when someone tells you “You shouldn’t have!” when you’ve bought them a gift and you know they’re not saying it because they are over the moon.

*sigh*

I went shopping for more home-ed materials. I know, I have no business doing this when my part of the house is practically busting at the seams, but when you have a Math-phobic daughter, how can you resist books like Super One-Page Math Comics??

Never had online shopping been such an excruciating experience. First, the cart kept showing normal prices instead of sale prices – I got pretty bug-eyed when my total came to $158. OK, just a technical glitch. No worries… bear with it, I told myself. It’ll be worth it in the end. So I persevered and emailed customer service.

The next day, I tried again only to find that my cart had been emptied. I had to sieve through some 500 books again to make my purchases. I tried to be sanguine about it – I needed to prune down the cart anyway so it was all good, right? But darn it all if sale prices were still not reflected! Another email to customer service.

Hours later, my purchases were showing sale prices – my cart had been emptied again but woo hoo anyway! I made my purchases again (swallowing my annoyance – hey! I was getting books at $1 a piece!) and checked them out. There must have been an evil gnome at Scholastic messing with me because this time, the page stalled and wouldn’t get redirected to Paypal. My kids took one look at me and backed away slowly – they knew an apoplectic fit was imminent. Another email to customer service, asking them why they didn’t seem to want my business.

I finally got my items checked out – I had to do it in batches. I don’t even want to talk about how long it took to download the materials. (My kids just ran outside, deciding that their cat Rocket was safer company.) Alhamdulillah, I finally got them all and that is all that matters I guess:)

So, if you haven’t already, you still have time to shop there. The offer expires on 31 January 2011.

Just watch out for that evil gnome.

If ONE more person says “In shaa Allah” when they really mean “I don’t give a toss about your invitation and won’t go unless wild dogs force me”, I think I will really lose it.