Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

~ Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932

Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we’ll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

~ Shel Silverstein

Mars has been enjoying poetry. (I’m quite sorry I gave away some of my Literature textbooks now!) Here’s a poem that I rather like by Rudyard Kipling. (FYI, I’m a bit of an ambivalent admirer of his… his politics was just rubbish, no?)

If—

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And — which is more — you’ll be a Man, my son!

~ Rudyard Kipling

Just watch this.

Mahera, this is for you and your girls :) I hope they feel better… Jazakillah khayran for being such good pals to us :)

A little belated but I have been having laptop and connection issues. I hope homeschooling is going well for everyone. We are wrapping the year up and in shaa Allah hoping to move one to bigger and better things come January. This has been a hectic and tumultuous year and while we know that the only constancy in life is change, we would welcome some stability so we can focus on our “book learnin’”. I hope you’ll all make du`aa for us :)

My girls and I thoroughly enjoyed a special series called “Road to Hajj”. Al Jazeera followed Muslims from China, Japan, Azerbaijan, Panama and India as they embarked on the Hajj pilgrimage. We also watched two additional videos - one about a lady from Gaza whose husband was killed before he could perform Hajj and one about a lady from Kenya who saved for 7 years to make her special trip. We found them very inspiring and shed a tear or two when we witnessed their struggle and sincerity.

• Gaza woman’s struggle to go on Hajj
• Pilgrim embarks on life-long dream
• Road to Hajj - China Part 1 | Part 2
• Road to Hajj - Azerbaijan Part 1 | Part 2
• Road to Hajj - Japan Part 1 | Part 2
• Road to Hajj - Panama Part 1 | Part 2 … make du`aa for Ray please!
• Road to Hajj - India Part 1 | Part 2

Marzipan, let’s share our tiles and not keep score when we next play Scrabble, OK?

Hug O’ War

I will not play at tug o’ war.
I’d rather play at hug o’ war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.

~ by Shel Silverstein
Where the Sidewalk Ends (1974)

Thought provoking… watch it…

Animal School

Seen and heard..

Mum: It was nice of Aunty and her grand-daughter to visit. Did you like playing with Maymuna?

Kid: Yes, it was fun. She had a nice shawl on, didn’t she?

Mum: Yes! It was lovely ma shaa Allah… hey, it was nice of you to share your blocks with Maymuna.

Kid: Well, she was our guest. Her doll was cute. She didn’t let me play with it.

Mum: She must have thought you would take it away from her. She eased up once we told her that you wouldn’t, right?

Kid: Yeah.

Mum: Anyway, sometimes you will find people who won’t share even after you’ve shared your stuff.

Kid: Yeah. You should still share though.

Mum: Why?

Kid: Cos you don’t do it so they’ll share. You do it so Allah will be pleased.

I was on an Islamic forum last weekend and chanced upon a link. I clicked on it not really knowing what to expect.

It made me cry.

This is a blog about a remarkable young woman named Asma bint Zia ul Haq who met severe trials courageously and stoically. Written by her brother, Omar, the entries are so heartfelt and vivid that one can almost picture this beautiful soul who has passed on. The siblings shared such a sweet relationship that the love truly shines through.

All About Asma

Makes me think… what have *I* done to prepare for the journey?

I don’t normally like posting things that I receive from mailing lists but this seems quite interesting and would make a good lesson for kids too.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what do you see?” “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they had gotten soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma, and then asked, “What’s the point, Mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I?

• Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
• Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
• Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?

A sister I know is expecting a second child. An ultrasound showed that the baby looked fine alhamdulillah and that in shaa Allah, she could look forward to another baby girl. The sister praised Allah and was overjoyed that no complications had been detected or were expected. She knew her husband too would be all smiles about the news.

When she left the ultrasound room, the sister headed for her mother and her first-born daughter who had accompanied her to the hospital. Her mother eagerly asked about the baby’s gender and when told, looked visibly disappointed. “Oh… another girl? Your husband will be quite disappointed. It would have been nice to have a boy this time, don’t you think?”

Her little 3-year-old on, the other hand, beamed and grinned quite excitedly when told that she would in shaa Allah have a baby sister. When asked if she knew of a name, she nodded and said gleefully, “We shall name her Khadija in shaa Allah…”

I have been thinking about the mother’s reaction and how she almost spoilt the joy of the sister.

If I could, I would tell her that her to emulate her 3-year-old grand-daughter who showed instant appreciation for Allah’s blessings.

If I could, I would tell her that daughters are gems.

If I could, I would tell her these ahadeeth from the Messenger of Allah s, which testify to the noble status of daughters…

`A’ishah radhiallahu `anha said: A woman came to me with her two daughters and asked me (for charity). She found that I had nothing except for a single date, which I gave to her. She took it and divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat any of it herself, then she got up and left with her daughters. The Prophet came in and I told him what had happened. He sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said, “Whoever is tested with daughters and treats them well, they will be for him a shield against the Fire of Hell.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

According to another report narrated by Muslim from `A’ishah radhiallahu `anha, she said: A poor woman came to me carrying her two daughters. I gave her three dates to eat. She gave each child a date, and raised the third to her own mouth to eat it. Her daughters asked her to give it to them, so she split the date that she had wanted to eat between them. I was impressed by what she had done, and told the Messenger of Allah about it. He said, “Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala has decreed Paradise for her because of it,” or, “He has saved her from Hell because of it.”

Abu Hurayrah radhiallahu `anhu reported that the Prophet said: “Whoever has three daughters, and shelters them, bearing their joys and sorrows with patience, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise by virtue of his compassion towards them.” A man asked, “What if he has only two, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even if they are only two.” Another man asked, “What if he has only one, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even if he has only one.” (Ahmad)

Ibn `Abbas radhiallahu `anhu said: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever had a daughter born to him, and he did not bury her alive or humiliate her, and he did not prefer his son over her, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise because of her.” (al-Hakim)

Abu Sa`id al-Khudri radhiallahu `anhu said: “The Prophet said: `There is no-one who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he treats them well, but Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise.” (Bukhari)

The Prophet said: “There is no one among my ummah who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he supports them until they are grown up, but he will be with me in Paradise like this…” and he held up his index and middle fingers together. (At-Tabarani)

I read these ahadeeth yesterday and truly, they shamed me. How many times have I been in a hurry to complete my chores and placed my child last on my list of priorities? How many times have I forgotten to just STOP and BE THERE for my child?

Well, now is always a good time to change. Must go and colour some pictures with Ms Muffet!

And hey, give your kids a hug and kiss… just because, you hear?

• Anas radhiallahu `anhu said: “I have never seen a man more kind with children than the Prophet .” (Muslim) Anas also said: “The Prophet had the sharpest sense of humor with children.”
• The Prophet exhorted justice when he said: “Allah likes that you be just with your children as He likes that you be just among your own selves.” (Al-Daraqutni)
• It was reported from ‘A’ishah that the Prophet kissed Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain, the sons of ‘Ali radhiallahu `anhu while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis Al-Taimi was in his audience. Al-Aqra’ said: “I have ten children, none of whom I have ever kissed.” The Prophet looked at him and said: “Those who do not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy.”
• ‘A’ishah radhiallahu `anha narrated: A Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah and said: “You kiss your children, while we do not kiss them.” The Messenger of Allah said: “I can not help that Allah has removed mercy from your heart.”
• It was reported by At-Tirmidhi and others on the authority of ‘Abdullah bin Buraidah from his father (radhiallahu `anhuma) who said: I saw the Messenger of Allah while he was delivering a sermon. Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma came wearing red garments and stumbling while walking. The Prophet descended Al Minbar (the pulpit) and carried them and put them in front of him. He then said: “Your property and children are only a trial. I saw these two boys stumbling in their walk and could not help stopping my sermon and raising them.”
• Al-Nasa’i and Al-Hakim narrated: While the Prophet was leading people in Prayer, Al-Hussain came and rode on his neck while he was prostrating himself. The Prophet prolonged prostration, until they (the worshipers) thought there was something wrong. When Prayer finished, the people said: “You prolonged prostration, O Messenger of Allah, until we thought that there was something wrong with you.” He replied: “My son rode on me i.e. rode on my back, and I disliked to disturb him until he satisfies himself (and gets down).”
• It was narrated in Al-Isabaah that “the Prophet was of the habit of playing with Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma, walking on his hands and knees while they both clung to him from both sides, and saying to them: “What a good camel you have and what a good camel-riders you are.”
• It was narrated in Bukhari and Muslim after Anas radhiallahu `anhu that the Prophet said: “I enter into Prayer intending to prolong it, but when I hear a baby crying, I shorten it, as I know how his mother is anxious about his crying.”

I found some old email print-outs and remembered a couple of incidents from my past. As usual, I have a bit of a long story to tell. *S* A few years ago, in trying to become a more practising Muslim, I underwent a great struggle. I felt very much alone - it was as if not one person around me - not my family, not my friends - understood me. When we discussed Islamic issues, I would be dismissed - as if I were “going too far” or as if I were spewing out drivel.

There is one particular occasion that stands out. I was at work and discussing the issue of hijab and niqab [the face veil] with a colleague when another sister cut in and said to the person I was talking to, “But you don’t NEED to go into all that stuff.” She said this in a curt and warning tone, as if what I had been talking about was completely unnecessary… as if I would lead her astray. Mind you, I was not even advocating niqab - I was just discussing different points of views and I merely indicated that I liked the idea of niqab even though I do not wear it. That sister’s words and tone truly stung, not only because of what she implied but also because she was a close friend of mine. It hurt all the more because it was not the first time she had subtly or not so subtly made her feelings known. I made no answer then and just left the issue.

On another occasion, I was at a wedding with a few relatives. I was not married then and I suppose there were those who felt sorry for me and took it upon themselves to feel desperate on my behalf. I could tell they were on the lookout for potential suitors for me. Some were quite well meaning but others went a little too far. My initial amusement turned into annoyance. I was quite content to leave matters to Allah and I did not appreciate the methods they advocated.

During the dinner, I put on a nice black jilbab with a new matching scarf. I didn’t put on make up on as the wedding was not a segregated affair but I didn’t think I looked all that bad - not flashy but not sloppy or dowdy for sure.

When one of the elders saw me, her face just fell and then looked irritated. She kept urging me to put some lipstick on. I said, no, getting a little fed-up because I had tolerated days of disappointed looks and whispered sarcasm. After more pestering and more refusal, the lady said exasperatedly, “BUT YOU DON’T LOOK NICE!” Not much more was said thereafter… my evening was quite ruined.

It depressed me, not because I was told I didn’t look nice - I am not too concerned about my looks - but because I felt very much alone in trying to do the right thing.

In situations like these, I take comfort in the advice one of my online friends. AlHamdulillah for I have met many pious and knowledgeable Muslims via the internet. It may have been that they had undergone the very same problems that I had. Whatever it was, I felt a deep sense of affinity with these individuals. They were gentle when I needed correction, patient when I needed information and compassionate when I needed a friend.

This one friend reminded me that such a feeling of ’strangeness’ is a praiseworthy condition when one refuses to conform to useless customs. I was told, “Da’wah is like bringing up a child - one does not actually see him growing… It takes time before one notices the changes and one therefore needs patience.”

Some early scholars used to advise, “Keep fast to the path of truth, and do not succumb to loneliness because of the few who tread it; and be aware of the path of falsehood, and do not be deceived by the many headed on it to destruction.”

My friend told me of the words of Ibn Hazm, who said:

“As for the reproach made to me by ignorant adversaries who say that I put no value on anyone who disagrees with me when I believe that I am in the right, and that I would never act in concert with the ones I contradict even if they amounted to the entire human population on the face of the earth, and that I place no value on conforming with the people of my country in many of the customs or costume which they have adopted for no particular reason - this independence is a quality which I regard as one of my most important virtues. There is nothing equal to it, and, upon my life, if I did not possess it [God forbid], it would be this that I most longed for, and hoped for, and prayed for to God Almighty. In fact, my advice to all who may hear my words is to behave in the same way. There is no benefit to be had from copying other people if their actions are vain and pointless. By so doing, one annoys the Almighty, and disappoints one’s mind [deludes oneself], causes suffering to one’s soul and body and takes upon one’s shoulders an unnecessary yoke.”

It has been many years since I received and printed out the email. It is only now, with the passage of time, that I truly appreciate the wisdom. I hope that Inshaa Allah this will help you all in some way if you go through difficult times.