“And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger – those will be with the ones upon whom Allah has bestowed favour of the prophets, the steadfast affirmers of the truth, the martyrs and the righteous. And excellent are those as companions.” (An-Nisaa’: 69)

Anas bin Malik, radhiallahu `anhu, said that a man asked the Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam: “When will the (last) hour come?” He sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam replied: “What have you done to prepare for it?” The man replied: “Nothing, except the love I have for Allah and His Messenger.” The Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam replied: “You will be (on the Day of Judgment) with those whom you love.” Anas bin Malik, radhiallahu `anhu, said: “We (his companions) never rejoiced at anything more than his words, when he said “You will be (on the Day of Judgment) with those whom you love.”’ Anas, radhiallahu `anhu, continued: “I love the Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, radhiallahu `anhuma, and I hope to be with them (in the Hereafter) due to my love for them, even if I cannot do (the same amount of righteous deeds) as they do.” (Bukhari, Muslim & others).

Do we not want our children to be raised with the righteous? I believe that we have to provide opportunities for our children not only to grow but to soar. They will deliver in shaa Allah if we have the will to commit ourselves to lofty goals.

I know that I would love for my children to have the desire, passion and endurance for knowledge; to love and emulate the prophets and messengers, the companions and the scholars of Islam, but this cannot happen if she does not KNOW the courageous people of our glorious history.

Good Islamic books for children in English are a rarity. Ms Muffet and I do have a substantial number of Islamic books. I must admit though that, as much as I applaud the effort and intention to inculcate the love for Islam in our children, I am less than satisfied with the end product.

Book snob that I am, I appreciate quality literature for my child and not vapid, fad-driven books. I look out for award-winning titles, outstanding illustrations, inspirational story-lines and imaginative writing styles. When it comes to children’s books dealing with Islam however, I find myself lowering my standards considerably - I tolerate the awkward writing, lack of creativity and poor handling of subject matter just so my daughter will have some Islamic material.

I find it hard to engage her with these books. It is not because she has a short attention span or limited vocabulary. (Alhamdulillah, I don’t have to buy age-appropriate books for her because she is able to sit through and understand books for much older children.) The stories themselves are not boring either - just the way in which they are presented. The language and approach just do not strike a chord with her. I find this a huge pity as we have poignant and compelling stories galore from our history.

So what are we to do?

There is a plethora of knowledge and inspiration in the classical Arabic books. My one grief is that I do not know the language to tap on this wealth. We can wait for these to be translated, but why should we when we know we will miss out on the depth and intensity? Let us, in shaa Allah, make the effort to learn and to ensure that our children too learn the language of our faith.

I also believe that we need to stretch our children - sharpen their memory and concentration. I don’t believe that we have to rely heavily on pictures and TV for this. We should also ensure that the knowledge we impart and that they receive is beneficial. When we clutter their time with vain activity and their minds with piffling pettifogging details, we are taking away from them that which can be better utilized for spiritual, intellectual and creative development.

Children can be trained to be attentive through long narratives if we use evocative and eloquent language. I am not saying that there isn’t a place for recreation, play, rest and fun – there certainly is… life is definitely about balance. I am just saying that it is time we inculcate the “bear the pain and get the gain” spirit.

We need to teach our children to read and to read WELL. Critical thinking comes with actively training the child to read and appreciate difficult material over time. The key is to be resourceful and imaginative and not just “dumb down” the subject matter. Imam Ahmad didn’t memorise one million ahadeeth by spending his time on mindless rhymes and easy-readers.

I still purchase Islamic children’s books even though I find them somewhat sub-standard. However, I find myself increasingly relying on them, as with many other homeschooling material I have acquired, only as springboards. I change the words, use my own expressions and include a great deal more information that I have derived through my own research.

Presently I run a site called Seerah.Net in which I post narrations about the stories of those who struggled for one God. I hope that in shaa Allah one day I have the courage and ability to take this a step further and adapt these for our children.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to work a lot harder at learning how to spin a good yarn *S*

I like listening to stories… the longer the better. *S* I had expressed my dissatisfaction with existing Islamic books for children earlier and have made a resolution. One of the things that I will attempt to do in shaa Allah is to retell stories from the Qur’an, Hadeeth and other books of Islamic history to Ms Muffet, sans book or other visual aids if I have to! We just have to take the cue from Islam’s rich oral history to know that lessons, stories and poetry, however complex can inspire and endure.

I spoke about the cuddle factor earlier. When we take the time to sit with our children and make the effort to make the stories mesmerizing, we are really creating a loving atmosphere… we are bonding with them and telling them that they matter.

Storytelling can be a wonderfully creative experience for both the storyteller and the listener. The narrator does have a challenging task – she would need to find or create stories that BEG to be told and then weave a web of delight through powerful language and colourful expressions.

The listener learns about the joy of making inner journeys – there is no limit as to where her imagination can take her. She learns how words can move. She learns how listening is important. She learns too read into details and to look for subtle cues and nuances. In short, she learns about the art of communication.

I am still new at this but the little I have done has inspired me. In shaa Allah I’ll try to include some Islamic stories here on Making Memories that you can try with your kids – one I’ve started with is The Leper, the Bald Man & the Blind Man from Sahih al-Bukhari.

Get comfy… snuggle up with your kid and let the story transport you…

This is a profound story that can be easily told to the young ones. Remind your listeners that there is no one superior to another except in terms of taqwa (piety).

Allah says (transl.): “O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has al-taqwa (i.e., is one of the muttaqoon – the pious). Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” [al-Hujurat 49:13]

The Messenger of Allah also said in his famous sermon: “O people, your Lord is One and your father [i.e., Adam] is one. There is no superiority of the Arab over the non-Arab, or of the non-Arab over the Arab, or of the red over the black, or of the black over the red – except with regard to taqwa.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad)

The Leper, the Bald Man & the Blind Man

Narrated Abu Huraira, that he heard Rasulullah saying:

Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala willed to test three who were a leper, a blind man and a bald-headed man.

So, He sent them an angel who came to the leper and said, “What thing do you like most?” He replied, “Good color and good skin, for the people have a strong aversion to me.”

The angel touched him and his illness was cured, and he was given a good color and beautiful skin.

The angel asked him, “What kind of property do you like best?” He replied, “Camels (or cows).” (The narrator is in doubt, for either the leper or the bald-headed man demanded camels and the other demanded cows.) So he (i.e. the leper) was given a pregnant she-camel, and the angel said (to him), “May Allah bless you in it.”

The angel then went to the bald-headed man and said, “What thing do you like most?” He said, “I like good hair and wish to be cured of this disease, for the people feel repulsion for me.”

The angel touched him and his illness was cured, and he was given good hair. The angel asked (him), “What kind of property do you like best?” He replied, “Cows.” The angel gave him a pregnant cow and said, “May Allah bless you in it.”

The angel went to the blind man and asked, ‘What thing do you like best?’ He said, “(I like) that Allah may restore my eye-sight to me so that I may see the people.”

The angel touched his eyes and Allah gave him back his eye-sight. The angel asked him, “What kind of property do you like best?” He replied, “Sheep.” The angel gave him a pregnant sheep.

Afterwards, all the three pregnant animals gave birth to young ones, and multiplied and brought forth so much that one of the (three) men had a herd of camels filling a valley, and one had a herd of cows filling a valley, and one had a flock of sheep filling a valley.

Then the angel, disguised in the shape and appearance of a leper, went to the leper and said, “I am a poor man, who has lost all means of livelihood while on a journey. So none will satisfy my need except Allah and then you. In the Name of Him Who has given you such nice color and beautiful skin, and so much property, I ask you to give me a camel so that I may reach my destination.”

The man replied, “I have many obligations (so I cannot give you).”

The angel said, “I think I know you; were you not a leper to whom the people had a strong aversion? Were you not a poor man, and then Allah gave you (all this property)?”

He replied, “(This is all wrong), I got this property through inheritance from my fore-fathers.”

The angel said, “If you are telling a lie, then let Allah make you as you were before.”

Then the angel, disguised in the shape and appearance of a bald man, went to the bald man and said to him the same as he told the first one, and he too answered the same as the first one did. The angel said, “If you are telling a lie, then let Allah make you as you were before.”

The angel, disguised in the shape of a blind man, went to the blind man and said, “I am a poor man and a traveler, whose means of livelihood have been exhausted while on a journey. I have nobody to help me except Allah, and after Him, you yourself. I ask you in the Name of Him Who has given you back your eye-sight to give me a sheep, so that with its help, I may complete my journey.”

The man said, “No doubt, I was blind and Allah gave me back my eye-sight; I was poor and Allah made me rich; so take anything you wish from my property. By Allah, I will not stop you for taking anything (you need) of my property which you may take for Allah’s sake.” The angel replied, “Keep your property with you. You (i.e., the three men) have been tested and Allah is pleased with you and is angry with your two companions.”

I’ve relocated many times since I got married four years ago. I was born and bred in Singapore. Then I moved to Indiana, after which I lived in Wisconsin for a spell before returning to Singapore for 2 years. We were finally able to afford to buy our own apartment and I actually began to entertain thoughts of being ’settled’, but it was not meant to be. We had to move again and this time to Islamabad, Pakistan.

Relocating was exhausting, physically and emotionally. It meant leaving my comfort zone, family, friends, comfortable routines and familiar surroundings. There were times when being in a new place made me feel ungrounded. I had to learn new rules, make new friends and this overwhelmed and frustrated me many many times.

Still, I feel that I’ve gained tremendously from these challenges. Each time I have shifted to a new place, the experience has been enriching.

Moving and the initial isolation of being in new lands allowed me to rethink my life. I have come to the conclusion that the possibilities are endless and it is a liberating thought. Back in Singapore, I used to dream about breaking away and reinventing myself because I felt bogged down by my past and all the mistakes and regret that came with it.

Relocating helped me do just that - I was able to dump all that weighty old baggage and script and start anew. There was no one to judge me, no one to doubt me and no one to rain on my parade. I was charting a new course on a fresh slate and the very idea was exciting - it was all about exploring unchartered territories and discovering beautiful surprises.

Moving has also helped me realise how this life itself is a journey. The Qur’an tells us, “What is the life of this world but play and amusement? But best is the home in the hereafter, for those who are righteous. Will you not then understand?” (Surah Al-An’am 6:32)

I’ve learnt to slow down, to stop accumulating and to instead try to focus on my ultimate destination. Each time I feel disgruntled about the things I cannot have or have had to leave behind, I remind myself of the Messenger of Allah . He had but a rough mat to sleep on and when Ibn `Abbas radhiallahu `anhu saw its markings on his body, he suggested that the Prophet sleep on something more comfortable. He, , replied, “What do I have to do with this worldly life? I and this worldly life are but like a traveler who stopped for a little while under a tree to get some shade and then move on.”

So, I’ve learnt not to get too attached to things because the best things in life are NOT things.

I’ve also learnt that relationships CAN endure the tests of time and distance.

Best of all, I know now that home isn’t necessarily a physical structure or location - those are just props. Home is where there is love, joy and really, it’s just geography…

I don’t normally like posting things that I receive from mailing lists but this seems quite interesting and would make a good lesson for kids too.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what do you see?” “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they had gotten soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma, and then asked, “What’s the point, Mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I?

• Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
• Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
• Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?

A sister I know is expecting a second child. An ultrasound showed that the baby looked fine alhamdulillah and that in shaa Allah, she could look forward to another baby girl. The sister praised Allah and was overjoyed that no complications had been detected or were expected. She knew her husband too would be all smiles about the news.

When she left the ultrasound room, the sister headed for her mother and her first-born daughter who had accompanied her to the hospital. Her mother eagerly asked about the baby’s gender and when told, looked visibly disappointed. “Oh… another girl? Your husband will be quite disappointed. It would have been nice to have a boy this time, don’t you think?”

Her little 3-year-old on, the other hand, beamed and grinned quite excitedly when told that she would in shaa Allah have a baby sister. When asked if she knew of a name, she nodded and said gleefully, “We shall name her Khadija in shaa Allah…”

I have been thinking about the mother’s reaction and how she almost spoilt the joy of the sister.

If I could, I would tell her that her to emulate her 3-year-old grand-daughter who showed instant appreciation for Allah’s blessings.

If I could, I would tell her that daughters are gems.

If I could, I would tell her these ahadeeth from the Messenger of Allah s, which testify to the noble status of daughters…

`A’ishah radhiallahu `anha said: A woman came to me with her two daughters and asked me (for charity). She found that I had nothing except for a single date, which I gave to her. She took it and divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat any of it herself, then she got up and left with her daughters. The Prophet came in and I told him what had happened. He sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said, “Whoever is tested with daughters and treats them well, they will be for him a shield against the Fire of Hell.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

According to another report narrated by Muslim from `A’ishah radhiallahu `anha, she said: A poor woman came to me carrying her two daughters. I gave her three dates to eat. She gave each child a date, and raised the third to her own mouth to eat it. Her daughters asked her to give it to them, so she split the date that she had wanted to eat between them. I was impressed by what she had done, and told the Messenger of Allah about it. He said, “Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala has decreed Paradise for her because of it,” or, “He has saved her from Hell because of it.”

Abu Hurayrah radhiallahu `anhu reported that the Prophet said: “Whoever has three daughters, and shelters them, bearing their joys and sorrows with patience, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise by virtue of his compassion towards them.” A man asked, “What if he has only two, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even if they are only two.” Another man asked, “What if he has only one, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even if he has only one.” (Ahmad)

Ibn `Abbas radhiallahu `anhu said: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever had a daughter born to him, and he did not bury her alive or humiliate her, and he did not prefer his son over her, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise because of her.” (al-Hakim)

Abu Sa`id al-Khudri radhiallahu `anhu said: “The Prophet said: `There is no-one who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he treats them well, but Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise.” (Bukhari)

The Prophet said: “There is no one among my ummah who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he supports them until they are grown up, but he will be with me in Paradise like this…” and he held up his index and middle fingers together. (At-Tabarani)

The Little Things That Make Me Say “Alhamdulillah”

• Islam
• Pizza
• My mum… she is the best
• My dad… I miss him lots
• Mak’s Place Butter Calamaris
• Ms Muffet
• My Bear - Cookie
• My beautiful sister who has a heart of gold
• My quirky and generous brother
• Health
• My cool husband
• My very nice in-laws
• Pink tea on a cold winter’s day… made by my very nice mom-in-law *S*
• Books
• Chocolate
• Autumn
• Home… wherever it may be
• Rayyan’s Fried Chicken
• Tea sweetened with condensed milk … whenever!
• Cool water
• My lovely cousins and their sweet kids who fuss over Ms Muffet
• My five senses
• Quiet moments after Fajr prayers
• French fries
• Friends I can natter with for hours on end… you know who you are
• Ramadhan
• Inspiration about Jannah that give me hope
• Reminders about An-Naar that keep me focused
• Youth
• Chilli sauce
• Love for the sake of Allah
• Fresh, cool breezes
• Sweet kinoo in winter
• The vibrant colours of nature
• Peace that Allah gives after dhikr & salaat
• My computer & broadband internet
• Berry honey
• Islamic lectures that touch you to the core
• Sea food
• Makkah & Madeenah
• Second-hand bookstores
• Meals with good company
• Sleep
• Black seed
• Ease after pain and hardship

I have been struggling to loosen up. It sounds funny coming from an easy-going person like me. I am usually not one to get too intense about time management, schedules and goals, but when it comes to Ms Muffet’s schooling, I seem to have taken on a completely different personality! I’ve become a stickler for deadlines, a fusspot for details and, I hate to admit it, a complete ogre who may be killing any enthusiasm my child has for learning.

I’ve learnt in the past couple of weeks that it is crucial that I make space for Ms Muffet. I have to make room for her foibles just as she has to take my many weaknesses and mistakes in stride. She may not do things to MY standards, but then, she should not have to. My job is not to create a genius (OK, I do admit, I LIKE the idea) but to give her plenty of encouragement and opportunities to grow and to develop a passion for knowledge.

So… I don’t wince when she messes up the paints simply because “it is nice to MIX them ALL UP”. I no longer grimace when she colours outside the lines. I won’t tell her bears must be brown or black and not “multi-coloured”.

There are times when I fret and wonder why something so simple takes on gargantuan proportions to her. Then I remember… patience. Bearing in mind that mistakes are inevitable makes this arduous journey so much easier and pleasant. I’ve had thirty-something years of living. She’s just starting out. I should celebrate her accomplishments, not her hiccups.

I need to cut her some slack.

I read these ahadeeth yesterday and truly, they shamed me. How many times have I been in a hurry to complete my chores and placed my child last on my list of priorities? How many times have I forgotten to just STOP and BE THERE for my child?

Well, now is always a good time to change. Must go and colour some pictures with Ms Muffet!

And hey, give your kids a hug and kiss… just because, you hear?

• Anas radhiallahu `anhu said: “I have never seen a man more kind with children than the Prophet .” (Muslim) Anas also said: “The Prophet had the sharpest sense of humor with children.”
• The Prophet exhorted justice when he said: “Allah likes that you be just with your children as He likes that you be just among your own selves.” (Al-Daraqutni)
• It was reported from ‘A’ishah that the Prophet kissed Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain, the sons of ‘Ali radhiallahu `anhu while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis Al-Taimi was in his audience. Al-Aqra’ said: “I have ten children, none of whom I have ever kissed.” The Prophet looked at him and said: “Those who do not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy.”
• ‘A’ishah radhiallahu `anha narrated: A Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah and said: “You kiss your children, while we do not kiss them.” The Messenger of Allah said: “I can not help that Allah has removed mercy from your heart.”
• It was reported by At-Tirmidhi and others on the authority of ‘Abdullah bin Buraidah from his father (radhiallahu `anhuma) who said: I saw the Messenger of Allah while he was delivering a sermon. Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma came wearing red garments and stumbling while walking. The Prophet descended Al Minbar (the pulpit) and carried them and put them in front of him. He then said: “Your property and children are only a trial. I saw these two boys stumbling in their walk and could not help stopping my sermon and raising them.”
• Al-Nasa’i and Al-Hakim narrated: While the Prophet was leading people in Prayer, Al-Hussain came and rode on his neck while he was prostrating himself. The Prophet prolonged prostration, until they (the worshipers) thought there was something wrong. When Prayer finished, the people said: “You prolonged prostration, O Messenger of Allah, until we thought that there was something wrong with you.” He replied: “My son rode on me i.e. rode on my back, and I disliked to disturb him until he satisfies himself (and gets down).”
• It was narrated in Al-Isabaah that “the Prophet was of the habit of playing with Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma, walking on his hands and knees while they both clung to him from both sides, and saying to them: “What a good camel you have and what a good camel-riders you are.”
• It was narrated in Bukhari and Muslim after Anas radhiallahu `anhu that the Prophet said: “I enter into Prayer intending to prolong it, but when I hear a baby crying, I shorten it, as I know how his mother is anxious about his crying.”