Music was a big thing for me when I was growing up. I used to record MTV and play the videos over and over again and was hardly seen without a pair of headphones in my ears. I was first in line at the music store when U2’s Achtung Baby was released - actually, I got there before the shipment of the album arrived and had to return a few hours later. I felt really together.

But I wasn’t really.

My being so ‘together’ cost me a great deal - money I could have spent on charity and on beneficial reads … time I could have spent cultivating good habits instead of acquiring wicked ones that stubbornly dog me … energy I could have spent on pursuits that could have drawn me closer to my Lord… the list goes on.

Even after I gave up listening to music, I resisted throwing my CDs and tapes away. I guess I was still, in some small and twisted way, enthralled with these musicians, their beguiling tunes and poetic lyrics. I don’t know why I wanted to maintain some tie to my past and my former ‘role models’. It is funny how strong a hold the dunya has and how foolish the human being can be.

I began reading more about my religion and I felt small. I felt really small. I read about giants who truly had the stuff that legends are made of. They had so much love, passion and drive for the deen. I wondered why my heart felt so impervious… so dead.

Then I read this hadeeth: Anas said that a man came to the Prophet and asked, “When will the Last Hour come, Messenger of Allah?” , “What have you prepared for it?” he asked? He replied, “I have not prepared a lot of prayer or fasting or charity for it, but I love Allah and His Messenger.” The Prophet said, “You will be with the one you love.” (al-Bukhari) I realised then that I was just hanging on to dead weight. Did I really want to be raised with the likes of Mick Jagger, Kurt Cobain and James Hetfield? The very idea scared me. It took several garbage bags to get rid of the physical burden. The emotional ties? For the most part erased, but still a constant struggle.

I would like to spare my kids of all this. I know I may not be able to shield them from all the evils and temptations in this world, but I make du`aa that they will form a deep attachment to the Qur’an and Sunnah and that they will have such a deep love for the true heroes that they will not look up to lesser characters, who will only disappoint them with their compromise, misplaced tolerance and about turn on ideals.

As a hadeeth states: It is related that a man came to the Prophet and said, “Messenger of Allah, I love you more than my family and my possessions. I remember you and I cannot wait until I can come and look at you. I remember that I will die and you will die and I know that when you enter the Garden, you will be raised up with the Prophets. When I enter it, I will not see you.” Allah then revealed, “Whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger, will be with those whom Allah has blessed: the Prophets, the men of truth, the martyrs and the righteous. And such people are the best of company!” (an-Nisaa 4:68) The Prophet called the man and recited the verses to him. (at-Tabarani)

Sister Fatima Barakatullah has written a timely article that touches on music and the nasheed culture. She expresses what I haven’t the eloquence to say. Please read it here:

Global Peace & Unity Event by Fatima Barakatullah

If you are blocked from blogspot sites, you may access her site through feeds at say, Bloglines, or by using PK Blogs.

I’m trying to reorganise things a bit on this blog so things might look a bit wonky. But I felt a revamp was in order… In shaa Allah I hope to add a few more categories and more about our home education journey. There are tonnes of blogs out there - so many banal and worthless. I think mine is falling into that, so it is time for a little more direction and purpose.

I had a few posts in mind but put them on the backburner - they were no more than hostile and bitter rants. Like I told a sister yesterday, I have no qualms about sharing my difficulties and trials. I can’t in good conscience give the impression that I am a wonder lady who has perfectly organised days - those who know me and live with me know I am anything but!

I do struggle… I make serious mistakes… I have demons I am always battling. So, I will share my days and difficulties to the extent that it is beneficial and constructive, but I am resolving to make this blog more than just about me. I hope that in shaa Allah it will be a good resource for home education, Islam and living creatively.

I do plan on concentrating on making a log of lessons and adding more - *gasp* dare I say it? - photographs, in shaa Allah. I am not sure how long I plan to homeschool and where we will live in the next few years but documenting the kids’ home education journey may prove necessary.

So with that, I am off to tackle these wonky (this is a big word in the house these days, LOL) codes in my blog.

We are going through some changes and I ask that you keep us in your du`aa…

A nice sister made a comment about my blog in an email (I can’t tell you how thrilled I am that someone actually reads my blog hehe…) She said that she too cannot imagine a world without books. I really love it when I meet someone who shares a passion for books.

Here are some chapter books Ms M and I have enjoyed…

1. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
A beautiful, if painful, coming-of-age story. Set in fictional small town in Alabama, the story talks about life in Depression-hit America. It starts out with an affectionate description of the sleepy southern county. Scout and her brother Jem are raised by their widowed father Atticus and their housekeeper, Calpurnia. Their summers are consumed by grand plans to lure the recluse Arthur “Boo” Radley out of his spooky home. The ladies meet for missionary teas and “bathed before noon, after their three-o’clock naps, and by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum.” As the story progresses, this charming facade is dismantled to reveal ignorance, fear, hypocrisy and prejudice.

Atticus Finch is called on to defend Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a white girl, Mayella Ewell. He is eventually found guilty and, “tired of taking white man’s chances”, attempts to escape and is shot to death. What I love about this story is how the author deftly shows that everyone is human and multi-faceted. Mayella is a pitiful figure, driven by loneliness and abuse; Mrs Dubose, a bigot who screams insults at the Finches, is also a courageous woman who kicks her morphine addict and dies “beholden to nothing and nobody”.

Ms M really enjoyed this book and while I am really strict about her watching any movies or TV (well, she watches none really *S*), I did let her watch the movie starring the late Gregory Peck (he WAS Atticus, wasn’t he?). The language in the movie was more toned down so it is suitable for children, IMHO.

2. Number The Stars by Lois Lowry
This is set in Denmark, during the second World War. We see what life was like through the eyes of 10-year-old Annemarie Johannesen. The Danes suffer from food and fuel rations and the menacing presence of the Nazis at every street corner. On 29 September 1943, word got out that the Nazis were going to round up the Jews and send them to death camps. Annemarie had already noticed some of her Jewish neighbours disappearing. And so begins the mission to save their neighbours, the Rosens. Ellen Rosen poses as the Johannesen’s daughter and they travel to Gilleleje, a seaside town. There, the Resistance and the brave fishermen have arranged to transport the Jews to Sweden.

3. Misty of Chincoteague by Margeurite Henry, illustrated by Wesley Dennis
All the events in this book are true although they didn’t happen in the order they were written. Legend has it that a 16th century Spanish galleon carrying horses bound for South America was caught in a violent storm near Assateague Island. After escaping from the hold, the horses swam to the safety of the island. Wild with freedom, the horses adapted to their new surroundings and over the years, became a hardy breed.

Every year on “Pony Penning Day,” the men of neighbouring Chincoteague round up as many ponies as they can and bring them across the water to sell. Paul and Maureen Beebe long to have ponies of their own that they never need sell. They have their hearts set on the elusive Phantom. Paul is finally old enough to join the round-up and in the months preceding the big day, he and Maureen work hard to earn the money for their own horse. Paul not only manages to round up Phantom, but also her colt, Misty. The children struggle with their desire to own the lovely Phantom and their regret at confining such a beautiful untamed spirit. An evocative tale of dreams that come true and which must eventually be let go… A Newbery Honor Book.

4. The Wreck of the Zanzibar by Michael Morpurgo
I discovered 3 of his books in a second-hand bookstore in mint condition, each going for only 125 rupees (that’s about SG$3!). Needless to say, I grabbed them. His books are said to be for children aged 8 onwards but his stories are compelling and clearly, for all ages. This story unfolds in 14-year-old Laura Perryman’s diary entries and watercolor illustrations in 1907 and 1908. Laura longs to row the island gig with the men and pilot ships through the dangerous waters around the Scilly Isles. Her father, however, adamantly refuses to let her. Life on Bryher Island is harsh - the storms have destroyed the islanders’ homes and boats and food supplies are running out fast. The family faces even more bleak days - Laura’s wanderlust twin brother, Billy, runs away with a ship following a fight with their father and their cows, which provide both food and income, fall sick and die in a storm. They pray for a shipwreck, so they can salvage its cargo. Laura finally manages to realise her dream in the story’s dramatic and surprising ending… This book won the Whitbread Children’s Novel Award.

5. Billy The Kid by Michael Morpurgo
Some may not like the adult themes in this book, but this allowed Ms M and I to have a rather fruitful discussion about handling disappointments and one’s purpose in life later on. So, I would advise you to use your judgement. Eighty-year-old Billy is sitting on his favourite park bench and reminisces about his life. As a child, he dreamt of playing football (OK, soccer, you Americans!) for Chelsea FC. He gets what he wanted too, until World War 2 takes place. Billy’s late father, who had died after WW1 due to lung problems sustained in battle, had told him never to fight in any war but when his younger brother Joe fights and dies, Billy feels he cannot stay away.

He joins up as a medic and tastes first hand the pain and horrors of war. A serious injury to his legs means the end of his soccer career and upon returning to England, he finds that his mother, step-father and sister have been killed in the Blitz. Broken in spirit, Billy turns to the streets and drink. A kindly couple later take him in and while it is a long and slow process, Billy eventually succeeds in his search for peace. I enjoyed the football scenes and the ending, which was nothing short of touching. This book made Ms M cry quite a bit!

More in Part 2 in shaa Allah … Kids are up!

“Ummi, may I call you by your first name?”

“No, you can call me Atticus.”

Another totally fluffy post, but it isn’t like I have fans to impress anyhow *S* I am having loads of problems with my email and am flooded with spam on a regular basis. So I will be setting up a new email account (AGAIN! Let’s heave a collective sigh of frustration all together now…) and will be contacting all you lovelies who still keep in touch with me despite my numerous disappearing acts.

OK so on to the fluffy post…

I love all kinds of seafood but it is a bit of a rarity here in Islamabad. Most Islamabad folk will stick to chicken and red meat, thank you very much.

My mother-in-law will eat a little fish if I cook it but has to stop herself from wrinkling up her nose - she has yet to get used to the smell. (Much of the fish here is fresh-water fish so I think there is always that pungent smell that is so hard to get rid of?)

My father-in-law, who had once worked in Karachi (where most of the seafood comes from), loves fish. He promptly hands over all marine acquisitions to me since other members of the family won’t touch them with a ten-foot pole!

My sister-in-law has declared that she “does not eat fish” but she will eat my tuna sandwiches… But then, tuna isn’t really a fish, is it? It comes from a can!

Tuna Salad/Sandwich

Ingredients & Method

1. Drain a 425 g can of tuna.

2. Break up the tuna with a fork and combine with:

• 2 chopped hard-boiled eggs
• 3 chopped spring onions
• 2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
• 1 chopped celery stick
• 1 tablespoon chopped flat-leaf parsley
• ½ cup mayonnaise
• ¼ cup sour cream
• Salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste

3. Serve with lettuce leaves on bread rolls. I also like to include sliced cucumbers in the sandwich. Sliced tomatoes, steamed baby carrots and slices of crunchy Fuji apples on the side are my girls’ favourite!

• I LOVE books.
• It was my father who nurtured my love for reading.
• One of my fondest memories of childhood is taking a drive with my dad to a quaint second-hand bookstore in Serangoon (in Singapore) and then going home to BURY myself in my new acquisitions.
• I don’t really like libraries.
• I love re-reading books.
• Books I have re-read: The Sealed Nectar (I have to read and re-read it because of my studies but I really do it because I love any book on the life of the Prophet ); To Kill A Mockingbird (still not sick of it and what’s more, what joy! Ms M loves it too!); Hilyat-ul Awliya Wa Tabaqat al-Asfiya (I love inspirational snippets!); all of James Herriot’s books (he describes everything so aptly and beautifully and always has me in stitches…)
• I don’t like giving away or selling books I have read, although I have done so in the past.
• I am therefore running out of room and am having an awful headache trying to pack everything for the return home to Singapore.
• Much of my time in Islamabad (and allowance… ahem!) is spent on second-hand bookstores.
• The rest of the time is spent making up wishlists online… *S*
• I don’t read as much as I used to.
• I love reading with my kids.