“There are three sins, whoever dies free of these sins will be forgiven for anything else if Allah wills: associating anything with Allah; practicing magic or witchcraft; and bearing resentment towards his brother.”
(al-Bukhari)

Marz and I got into a heated argument once after she had broken a house rule. I gave her a lecture and she apologised. That should have been that… but it wasn’t. The incident continued to rankle me, so much so that I gave her the business end of a hissy fit long after.

“Ummi?” she said later.

“Yes?” I said, sounding as cold and aloof as I could possibly manage.

“Hmmm… why are you talking like that? Are you mad at me?”

“Yes,” I replied curtly, dismissing her with a withering tone and look.

“Still?”

Her tone was one of pure incredulity. Bless her pure soul, she could not fathom why anyone would continue to harbour resentment when an issue is said and done.

Indeed, why would anyone? I realised then how petty I was (am…) and how, with me, forgiveness is a long-drawn process with accusations and resentment along the way and conditions and clauses to boot.

With my daughter, however, these issues are uncomplicated. She pardons a wrong quite effortlessly in general, gets over things and moves right on along. I think it is the same with most children unless adults teach them otherwise.

We are told in the Qur’an: “And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers.” (Surah Adh-Dhaariyaat: 55) I am quite ashamed to say that my reminders are so often coated in exasperation, impatience and a great deal of negativity.

Ms M, however, corrects me with love. I say with love, because even though her reminders are sometimes delivered without tact or sensitivity, I believe they are motivated by her affection for and loyalty to me. They are particular to the time and place – no mention is made of past mistakes how ever many times they continue to recur. They aren’t judgemental or critical either – nothing is implied about the sum whole of me.

I am humbled. May Allah forgive me, ameen.

So I will say what I have said a million times over. Marzipan, I am profoundly grateful to Allah for you and your sister and for all the love and joy I don’t feel I deserve. I am sorry for not being the best mum I should be.

I am sorry for always apologising and not yet learning the gracious art of forgiving and forgetting.

I read these ahadeeth yesterday and truly, they shamed me. How many times have I been in a hurry to complete my chores and placed my child last on my list of priorities? How many times have I forgotten to just STOP and BE THERE for my child?

Well, now is always a good time to change. Must go and colour some pictures with Marz!

And hey, give your kids a hug and kiss… just because, you hear?

• Anas radhiallahu `anhu said: “I have never seen a man more kind with children than the Prophet .” (Muslim) Anas also said: “The Prophet had the sharpest sense of humor with children.”
• The Prophet exhorted justice when he said: “Allah likes that you be just with your children as He likes that you be just among your own selves.” (Al-Daraqutni)
• It was reported from “`A’ishah that the Prophet kissed Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain, the sons of “˜Ali radhiallahu `anhu while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis Al-Taimi was in his audience. Al-Aqra’ said: “I have ten children, none of whom I have ever kissed.” The Prophet looked at him and said: “Those who do not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy.”
• “`A’ishah radhiallahu `anha narrated: A Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah and said: “You kiss your children, while we do not kiss them.” The Messenger of Allah said: “I can not help that Allah has removed mercy from your heart.”
• It was reported by At-Tirmidhi and others on the authority of “`Abdullah bin Buraidah from his father (radhiallahu `anhuma) who said: I saw the Messenger of Allah while he was delivering a sermon. Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma came wearing red garments and stumbling while walking. The Prophet descended Al Minbar (the pulpit) and carried them and put them in front of him. He then said: “Your property and children are only a trial. I saw these two boys stumbling in their walk and could not help stopping my sermon and raising them.”
• Al-Nasa’i and Al-Hakim narrated: While the Prophet was leading people in Prayer, Al-Hussain came and rode on his neck while he was prostrating himself. The Prophet prolonged prostration, until they (the worshipers) thought there was something wrong. When Prayer finished, the people said: “You prolonged prostration, O Messenger of Allah, until we thought that there was something wrong with you.” He replied: “My son rode on me i.e. rode on my back, and I disliked to disturb him until he satisfies himself (and gets down).”
• It was narrated in Al-Isabaah that “the Prophet was of the habit of playing with Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma, walking on his hands and knees while they both clung to him from both sides, and saying to them: “What a good camel you have and what a good camel-riders you are.”
• It was narrated in Bukhari and Muslim after Anas radhiallahu `anhu that the Prophet said: “I enter into Prayer intending to prolong it, but when I hear a baby crying, I shorten it, as I know how his mother is anxious about his crying.”