I read these ahadeeth yesterday and truly, they shamed me. How many times have I been in a hurry to complete my chores and placed my child last on my list of priorities? How many times have I forgotten to just STOP and BE THERE for my child?

Well, now is always a good time to change. Must go and colour some pictures with Marz!

And hey, give your kids a hug and kiss… just because, you hear?

• Anas radhiallahu `anhu said: “I have never seen a man more kind with children than the Prophet .” (Muslim) Anas also said: “The Prophet had the sharpest sense of humor with children.”
• The Prophet exhorted justice when he said: “Allah likes that you be just with your children as He likes that you be just among your own selves.” (Al-Daraqutni)
• It was reported from “`A’ishah that the Prophet kissed Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain, the sons of “˜Ali radhiallahu `anhu while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis Al-Taimi was in his audience. Al-Aqra’ said: “I have ten children, none of whom I have ever kissed.” The Prophet looked at him and said: “Those who do not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy.”
• “`A’ishah radhiallahu `anha narrated: A Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah and said: “You kiss your children, while we do not kiss them.” The Messenger of Allah said: “I can not help that Allah has removed mercy from your heart.”
• It was reported by At-Tirmidhi and others on the authority of “`Abdullah bin Buraidah from his father (radhiallahu `anhuma) who said: I saw the Messenger of Allah while he was delivering a sermon. Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma came wearing red garments and stumbling while walking. The Prophet descended Al Minbar (the pulpit) and carried them and put them in front of him. He then said: “Your property and children are only a trial. I saw these two boys stumbling in their walk and could not help stopping my sermon and raising them.”
• Al-Nasa’i and Al-Hakim narrated: While the Prophet was leading people in Prayer, Al-Hussain came and rode on his neck while he was prostrating himself. The Prophet prolonged prostration, until they (the worshipers) thought there was something wrong. When Prayer finished, the people said: “You prolonged prostration, O Messenger of Allah, until we thought that there was something wrong with you.” He replied: “My son rode on me i.e. rode on my back, and I disliked to disturb him until he satisfies himself (and gets down).”
• It was narrated in Al-Isabaah that “the Prophet was of the habit of playing with Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain radhiallahu `anhuma, walking on his hands and knees while they both clung to him from both sides, and saying to them: “What a good camel you have and what a good camel-riders you are.”
• It was narrated in Bukhari and Muslim after Anas radhiallahu `anhu that the Prophet said: “I enter into Prayer intending to prolong it, but when I hear a baby crying, I shorten it, as I know how his mother is anxious about his crying.”

You know you are REALLY in Pakistan when you experience the following scenarios:

Me: “Urm… the water… do you think it is safe to use?”
K: “What’s wrong with it?”
Me: “I can’t even see the bottom of the pail.”
K: “Oh… it’s not dirty. It’s just… a little dusty.”

K: “Where are the side view mirrors? How do you expect me to drive like this?”
A: “Oh… it’s a long story…”
K: “This is so dangerous!”
A: “Well, one was kinda destroyed by a bus and the other got removed by a donkey cart…”

Now that the time for my departure to Pakistan is drawing close, I find myself taking stock of the people here in Singapore who have made a big difference to me.

One of them is someone I will call Huda. When I first met her, I was a brash and hot-headed youth whose impulsive ways and tongue often landed myself and others in difficult situations. Huda was always calm and collected. I have not to this day, seen her lose her temper or speak ill of others unless justice demanded that she do so.

I remember, once, a group of us were annoyed with a colleague. Our discussion first started out with the intention of trying to rectify a problem that we suspected this person had caused, but shaytan took over and it descended into gheebah (backbiting). This person’s character was scrutinised and criticised all in the name of correcting a wrong. Huda grew silent as the conversation gained vicious momentum.

A few minutes later, we paused for salat ul Maghrib (the dusk prayer). Huda, I noticed, spent a longer time than usual after her prayer, making du`aa and dhikr. Then she rose and looked at the rest of us. She looked solemn and her voice was almost hushed when she spoke.

“You know,” she said gravely, “No one is ever really a hundred per cent bad. None of us are perfect so when we speak about others we should remember the person’s good qualities as well and not cut him up to pieces.”

We were overcome with shame and regret. We had felt ever so righteous but what had we really accomplished? We had done nothing but eaten the flesh of a fellow Muslim … may Allah forgive us, ameen.

Huda had taught me about the simple but often forgotten principle of giving others the benefit of the doubt.

Allah `azza wa jall says [translation]: “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” [Al-Hujurat 49:12]

Here we are commanded to avoid suspicion. We are to think well of our fellow Muslims as the tradition goes: “If you see something you do not like in your brother, try to find from one to seventy excuses for him. If you cannot find an excuse, say, ‘There might be an excuse but I do not know it.'”

Indeed, the religion is naseehah (sincere advice). Allah has told us, “The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin (on the people) Al-Ma’roof and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar.” [at-Tawbah 9:71]

Also, “By Al-`Asr (the time). Verily, man is in loss, except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth and recommend one another to patience.” [al-`Asr 103:1-3]

Many of us, when we see a wrong, we do our best to correct it and if we see a fellow Muslim erring, we try to bring him back to the right and urge him to repent. However, we sometimes forget that the way of a righteous Muslim is that he does this with love and he hides the sins of others. We should always bear in mind that the Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever covers a Muslim’s (sins), Allah will cover him (his sins) in this world and in the Hereafter.” [Muslim] Are we so faultless that we can do away with this?

I’ve never forgotten Huda’s words – may Allah reward her with the best ameen – and was reminded of her advice to have a good opinion when I read this narration last weekend:

Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim transmitted in their own Saheeh the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah radhiallahu `anhu that the Messenger of Allah said, “`Isa `alayhis salaam, the son of Maryam, saw a man stealing and asked him, ‘Did you steal?’ He said, ‘No, by Allah besides Whom there is no other god.’ So `Isa `alayhis salaam said, ‘I believe in Allah and contradict my eyes.'”

As salaamu `alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Dear Shabeel and Shazana…

It was very hard for me to go to your home last Monday. I had not met your mother in a long while… The last time I did, you were just a baby, Shabeel. Shazana, you had not even been born yet. It wasn’t that your mother and I had quarrelled or anything of the sort – we had been good friends in junior college and university. I don’t know why we didn’t try to stay in touch… I guess I will just have to use the same reason which everyone else uses and which I am sure you find difficult to understand – we just got busy.

I did not manage to talk to you the other day – there were just too many people around. I don’t think that you were up for any conversation anyway. I just want you both to know that I am very sorry about your father’s passing. It was a big shock to me and I am sure that you are still trying to come to terms with it.

When I saw you crying as you left your father, it brought back memories of when my father passed away about a year ago. I never thought that anything could hurt so much and I was sure that I would never get over it. That is not entirely true, though. You don’t get over it – how can you ever forget someone you love? You can’t – but the pain does ease with time and you learn to think about the warm and wonderful memories you had.

You know, it is OK to feel sad and it is OK to cry. The Prophet, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, wept on the death of his son, Ibrahim, and said: “The eyes shed tears and the heart feels pain, but we utter only what pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim! We are aggrieved at your demise.” So we cry but we also remember to have faith in Allah and what He has decreed.

You see, Shabeel and Shazana, we think of our souls, families and wealth as “ours”. So when the things and people we love are gone, we feel sad. The truth is, they do not belong to us – they belong to Allah. He gave them to us as a loan. So we must be grateful while we have these blessings and be patient when He takes them back.

Remember that the Qur’an tells us that Allah is with those who are patient – “O you who believe! Seek Help in Patience and Salaah. Truly, Allah is with those that are patient.” [Qur’an 2:153]

Allah has not one but THREE big rewards for those who are patient – He has promised His prayer for them, His Mercy, and their guidance: “Who, when afflicted with calamity say, ‘Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return…’ They are those on whom the Salawat (the blessing and forgiveness) of their Lord is upon them, and who shall receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones.” [Qur’an 2:157] Now, isn’t that wonderful? Allah sometimes tests us but He will always give us something better in return.

Shabeel, you are now the man in your family. You need to take care of your mother and younger brother and sister. Shazana, you will need to be your mother’s partner and help her in every way you can. She will have a lot to deal with now and she will count on you doing your best in school and at home.

I know you will miss your father very much. I still think about my father too and sometimes I don’t want to because it hurts too much. I know that you and your father shared a very special relationship. It sounds funny when I say this but truthfully, it doesn’t have to end.

There is still so much you can do for your father. The Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said: “When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end except three: sadaqah jaariyah (ongoing charity, e.g. a waqf or endowment), beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind), or a righteous child who will pray for him.”

Remember that YOU are sadaqah jariyah for your father – he will receive a share of the rewards for all the good that you do.

You must also always make du`aa for him because your prayers can help him enter Paradise. The Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said: “A man’s status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, ‘How did I get here?’ He will be told, ‘By your son’s du`aas (prayers) for forgiveness for you.'”

My good friend Sadiqa shared some comforting words with me when my father passed away. I would like to now tell you the same thing that she told me. Don’t think of your father as “gone” or “lost” – this separation is temporary, just like everything in this world. Think of him as waiting for you in another room. On the day of Judgement, you will be reunited with him and inshaa Allah you will all walk into Jannah together.

Shabeel and Shazana, please know that you are in my du`aa … May Allah keep you safe and well always ameen.

Much love
Aunty Imaan

It was the eve of `Eid and the flat was still messy and dusty. I had just half an hour before Marz’s bed time and I knew that I would nod off with her, so I was desperate to make sure that the apartment was halfway decent before that. Inwardly reproaching myself for having left things at the last minute, I wiped, swept and mopped feverishly.

My two-year-old followed me around, rag and sponge in hand trying to be of some help. Our last stop was the kitchen. She liked it there and now that she was over the “Ummi, what is this?” phase, she often launched into the “Who bought this, Ummi?” mode. This time, though, the chat turned out to be a little different.

“Ummi, who bought this bin?” Maryam asked pointing to the white trash can next to the sink.

I turned briefly and told her, “Your Baba did… He bought it at Walmart in Wisconsin.” I smiled briefly, remembering that Maryam was born there. But there really was no time for walking down memory lane… I continued scouring the sink like there was no tomorrow.

“Ummi, who bought those bottles?” she piped up again, pointing at her milk bottles.

“I did… I bought them for you at Kiddy Palace, remember?” I said, thinking that I really was not in the mood for this conversation.

“Ummi, who bought that oven?” she said pointing to the large oven in the corner.

“Oh, I don’t know Maryam. That belongs to the flat owner. We are just renting here, you know.” I really had too much to do.

“Ummi, who bought that small oven?” she asked unrelentingly, pointing to the small grill oven my mother had bought.

“Jiddah bought it for us because that big oven does not work…”

“Ummi…” I bit my tongue and stopped myself from telling her to hush. “Ummi, who bought that microwave oven?”

I stopped wiping and any annoyance I felt at her incessant questions faded away right then and there. My father had bought us the microwave oven when we set up house here in Singapore. It was going to be my second `Eid without him … he had died a couple of weeks short of the previous `Eid.

“Jidd bought it, Marz.” Strangely enough, the little live wire fell silent too.

When she did speak, she said earnestly, “I love Jidd, Ummi.”

“I love him too.”

“I want to hug Jidd.”

“Well, make du`aa, OK? inshaa Allah we can all see and hug Jidd in Jannah.”

“Ummi?”

“Yes, Marz?”

“Where is Jannah?”

I dropped the rag and picked her up… the house could wait.