I’ve relocated many times since I got married four years ago. I was born and bred in Singapore. Then I moved to Indiana, after which I lived in Wisconsin for a spell before returning to Singapore for 2 years. We were finally able to afford to buy our own apartment and I actually began to entertain thoughts of being ‘settled’, but it was not meant to be. We had to move again and this time to Islamabad, Pakistan.

Relocating was exhausting, physically and emotionally. It meant leaving my comfort zone, family, friends, comfortable routines and familiar surroundings. There were times when being in a new place made me feel ungrounded. I had to learn new rules, make new friends and this overwhelmed and frustrated me many many times.

Still, I feel that I’ve gained tremendously from these challenges. Each time I have shifted to a new place, the experience has been enriching.

Moving and the initial isolation of being in new lands allowed me to rethink my life. I have come to the conclusion that the possibilities are endless and it is a liberating thought. Back in Singapore, I used to dream about breaking away and reinventing myself because I felt bogged down by my past and all the mistakes and regret that came with it.

Relocating helped me do just that – I was able to dump all that weighty old baggage and script and start anew. There was no one to judge me, no one to doubt me and no one to rain on my parade. I was charting a new course on a fresh slate and the very idea was exciting – it was all about exploring unchartered territories and discovering beautiful surprises.

Moving has also helped me realise how this life itself is a journey. The Qur’an tells us, “What is the life of this world but play and amusement? But best is the home in the hereafter, for those who are righteous. Will you not then understand?” (Surah Al-An’am 6:32)

I’ve learnt to slow down, to stop accumulating and to instead try to focus on my ultimate destination. Each time I feel disgruntled about the things I cannot have or have had to leave behind, I remind myself of the Messenger of Allah . He had but a rough mat to sleep on and when Ibn `Abbas radhiallahu `anhu saw its markings on his body, he suggested that the Prophet sleep on something more comfortable. He, , replied, “What do I have to do with this worldly life? I and this worldly life are but like a traveler who stopped for a little while under a tree to get some shade and then move on.”

So, I’ve learnt not to get too attached to things because the best things in life are NOT things.

I’ve also learnt that relationships CAN endure the tests of time and distance.

Best of all, I know now that home isn’t necessarily a physical structure or location – those are just props. Home is where there is love, joy and really, it’s just geography…

I don’t normally like posting things that I receive from mailing lists but this seems quite interesting and would make a good lesson for kids too.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what do you see?” “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they had gotten soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma, and then asked, “What’s the point, Mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water – but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I?

• Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
• Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
• Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?

A sister I know is expecting a second child. An ultrasound showed that the baby looked fine alhamdulillah and that in shaa Allah, she could look forward to another baby girl. The sister praised Allah and was overjoyed that no complications had been detected or were expected. She knew her husband too would be all smiles about the news.

When she left the ultrasound room, the sister headed for her mother and her first-born daughter who had accompanied her to the hospital. Her mother eagerly asked about the baby’s gender and when told, looked visibly disappointed. “Oh… another girl? Your husband will be quite disappointed. It would have been nice to have a boy this time, don’t you think?”

Her little 3-year-old on, the other hand, beamed and grinned quite excitedly when told that she would in shaa Allah have a baby sister. When asked if she knew of a name, she nodded and said gleefully, “We shall name her Khadija in shaa Allah…”

I have been thinking about the mother’s reaction and how she almost spoilt the joy of the sister.

If I could, I would tell her that her to emulate her 3-year-old grand-daughter who showed instant appreciation for Allah’s blessings.

If I could, I would tell her that daughters are gems.

If I could, I would tell her these ahadeeth from the Messenger of Allah s, which testify to the noble status of daughters…

`A’ishah radhiallahu `anha said: A woman came to me with her two daughters and asked me (for charity). She found that I had nothing except for a single date, which I gave to her. She took it and divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat any of it herself, then she got up and left with her daughters. The Prophet came in and I told him what had happened. He sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said, “Whoever is tested with daughters and treats them well, they will be for him a shield against the Fire of Hell.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

According to another report narrated by Muslim from `A’ishah radhiallahu `anha, she said: A poor woman came to me carrying her two daughters. I gave her three dates to eat. She gave each child a date, and raised the third to her own mouth to eat it. Her daughters asked her to give it to them, so she split the date that she had wanted to eat between them. I was impressed by what she had done, and told the Messenger of Allah about it. He said, “Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala has decreed Paradise for her because of it,” or, “He has saved her from Hell because of it.”

Abu Hurayrah radhiallahu `anhu reported that the Prophet said: “Whoever has three daughters, and shelters them, bearing their joys and sorrows with patience, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise by virtue of his compassion towards them.” A man asked, “What if he has only two, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even if they are only two.” Another man asked, “What if he has only one, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Even if he has only one.” (Ahmad)

Ibn `Abbas radhiallahu `anhu said: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever had a daughter born to him, and he did not bury her alive or humiliate her, and he did not prefer his son over her, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise because of her.” (al-Hakim)

Abu Sa`id al-Khudri radhiallahu `anhu said: “The Prophet said: `There is no-one who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he treats them well, but Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will admit him to Paradise.” (Bukhari)

The Prophet said: “There is no one among my ummah who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he supports them until they are grown up, but he will be with me in Paradise like this…” and he held up his index and middle fingers together. (At-Tabarani)

The Little Things That Make Me Say “Alhamdulillah”

• Islam
• Pizza
• My mum… she is the best
• My dad… I miss him lots
• Mak’s Place Butter Calamaris
• Ms Muffet aka Mars
• My Bear – Cookie
• My beautiful sister who has a heart of gold
• My quirky and generous brother
• Health
• My cool husband
• My very nice in-laws
• Pink tea on a cold winter’s day… made by my very nice mom-in-law *S*
• Books
• Chocolate
• Autumn
• Home… wherever it may be
• Rayyan’s Fried Chicken
• Tea sweetened with condensed milk … whenever!
• Cool water
• My lovely cousins and their sweet kids who fuss over Ms Muffet
• My five senses
• Quiet moments after Fajr prayers
• French fries
• Friends I can natter with for hours on end… you know who you are
• Ramadhan
• Inspiration about Jannah that give me hope
• Reminders about An-Naar that keep me focused
• Youth
• Chilli sauce
• Love for the sake of Allah
• Fresh, cool breezes
• Sweet kinoo in winter
• The vibrant colours of nature
• Peace that Allah gives after dhikr & salaat
• My computer & broadband internet
• Berry honey
• Islamic lectures that touch you to the core
• Sea food
• Makkah & Madeenah
• Second-hand bookstores
• Meals with good company
• Sleep
• Black seed
• Ease after pain and hardship

I have been struggling to loosen up. It sounds funny coming from an easy-going person like me. I am usually not one to get too intense about time management, schedules and goals, but when it comes to Ms Muffet’s schooling, I seem to have taken on a completely different personality! I’ve become a stickler for deadlines, a fusspot for details and, I hate to admit it, a complete ogre who may be killing any enthusiasm my child has for learning.

I’ve learnt in the past couple of weeks that it is crucial that I make space for Ms Muffet. I have to make room for her foibles just as she has to take my many weaknesses and mistakes in stride. She may not do things to MY standards, but then, she should not have to. My job is not to create a genius (OK, I do admit, I LIKE the idea) but to give her plenty of encouragement and opportunities to grow and to develop a passion for knowledge.

So… I don’t wince when she messes up the paints simply because “it is nice to MIX them ALL UP”. I no longer grimace when she colours outside the lines. I won’t tell her bears must be brown or black and not “multi-coloured”.

There are times when I fret and wonder why something so simple takes on gargantuan proportions to her. Then I remember… patience. Bearing in mind that mistakes are inevitable makes this arduous journey so much easier and pleasant. I’ve had thirty-something years of living. She’s just starting out. I should celebrate her accomplishments, not her hiccups.

I need to cut her some slack.